I have been employed at a licensed child placing agency in
the State of Tennessee since August 2005. I have helped many families complete
adoptions from countries such as Korea, China, Lithuania, DRCongo, Uganda, Guatemala,
Moldova, Ethiopia, Russia, Ukraine, Bulgaria, Pakistan, Nigeria, Liberia, and
Vietnam. I have always strived to be
very careful helping my clients choose a placing agency. I believe in using an agency or facilitator that has a
strong ethical background, as well as a proven history of placing children. After my experience with Giving Hope Rescue Mission (GHRM) and Voice of the Orphan (VOTO), I will
be even more cautious and hesitant when my clients decide to use an agency I
have never heard of. I will do more
research on their behalf and I will never take a new agency at face value. Most
importantly, I will listen to my gut when I see or hear things that send up red
flags.
My history with GHRM and VOTO began in the spring of
2012, when clients of mine, Jeremy and Kimberly, decided to use the
crèche and its partner agency to adopt a child or children from Haiti. My concerns about their choice began
immediately, because I had never heard of them.
Kim described to me their referral
process, which was unlike any I had ever encountered previously. She said that once their adoption dossier was
completed, they would fly to Haiti and be presented with children to
consider/choose from... In April 2012, they flew to Haiti
and Heather Elyse, founder of Giving Hope Rescue Mission and Vice President of VOTO showed them two children, "R" (a girl) and "W" (a boy) who they agreed to adopt.
I asked Kim what type of referral
paperwork on the children they received, and she said she saw no paperwork,
only the children themselves, with very limited story about how they came to the
crèche. This was a major red flag to
me. I had never heard of an “agency”
showing actual children or letting adoptive parents choose a child in person. Also offering no social history paperwork, no medical
paperwork, no official relinquishment paperwork, nor birth certificate proving
that the child/ren was available for adoption.
Kim assured me that this was just the way that Haiti and Giving Hope Rescue Mission did
things (per Heather Elyse), though it never settled well with me.
Admittedly, this was my first Haitian case, and looking back, I should
have done much more research and asked many more questions. A while after their return from Haiti,
Heather told the family that "W" (the boy) was unadoptable and his birth parents
were not going to allow the adoption.
Again, I saw red flags waving, because Heather should have already had
his birth parents’ relinquishment in writing before making a “referral” and should have never introduced "W" to an adoptive family! Additionally she should never have allowed Kim and Jeremy to be paying monthly support for "W" if he was going to be unadoptable.
It is standard procedure in any adoption not
to refer a child who is not legally free for adoption and this situation concerned me greatly.
Kim and Jeremy assured me that they felt that this was a good
organization still and I should consider adopting a child from Haiti
too. I began advocating a bit for families to adopt from Giving Hope Rescue Mission because of these reassurances and Heather added me to the private Voice of the Orphan Adoptive families facebook group that she ran. During the time I was on the group I was able to see how Heather informed
her clients of the progress of their cases, how clients received referrals, and
how clients received updates.
In seven
years of working in adoption – and prior to that, completing my own Chinese
adoption, I had never seen anything like the way Heather operated. Everyone was informed about everyone’s case at the same time on this
page without any confidentiality. And when someone
received a “referral”, it was posted as a picture on the private VOTO facebook
page before the referral was privately presented to the prospective adoptive parents!
Every international referral I
have ever encountered contains social, medical and legal paperwork on a child
and is delivered directly and only to a prospective adoptive family to be reviewed
by an international doctor before a referral is accepted.
Kim began talking about going to Haiti on a mission
trip to support Giving Hope Rescue Mission. Mission teams were invited to come and perform acts of service for the creche and children. Kim invited me to participate. At first, I had
reservations about going because it meant giving a lot of money ($2,500 for food and water for the team) which I felt hesitant about at the
time. But, Kim convinced me and I
finally said yes, as did 10 other ladies.
I told myself I was going for the children.
During the time I was advocating for Giving Hope and still
on the VOTO private page, two of our clients decided to sign with them as
well. The "S" family and the "W" family. I was the worker for the S
family and my colleague Cindy worked with the W family.
Communication with VOTO/Heather was impossible for
the S family and for my co-worker, as emails were never returned.
Additionally, Heather shared private and confidential information from the S family's homestudy with Kimberly. Heather told Kimberly that
the S’s did not make enough money to care for a sibling group of 4, and yet still referred the family three children. Kim and I both found it odd that Heather would talk about other families' confidential income information but Kim and Heather had grown close so she did not dwell on it.
The
S family's “referral process” waved another huge red flag for me. It was a phone call with Heather, during which she told
them their children’s stories. Again,
there was no paperwork, and photos were shared on the Facebook page with a group by Heather.
Strangely at one point during the process, the children matched with the S family mysteriously vanished from the crèche, and the S’s only found out
about it through a brief email from Heather telling them to pray, as well as a
post on the VOTO private Facebook page.
When the children were “found”, it was posted on the VOTO private page
for everyone else to see, and this is how the S’s found out that they were
safe. The days that the children were not at the creche and they were hoping for some kind of information, the S family were a nervous wreck. They were scared, they were concerned and they were in the dark about what had happened and why.
The drama played out on facebook instead of in confidential emails or phone calls. To this day they have no concrete idea what was
going on or how the children were brought back to the creche except that it had something to do with the birthparents removing the children and Heather "rescuing" them back.
This is why
agencies MUST have trained social workers on staff – to properly work with
families in a crisis, to know how to counsel families through hard issues, and
to have the social work ethics knowledge which states, “Do no harm”. This family went through hell with this situation and the lack of follow up.
On November 4th 2012, our mission team flew to Haiti, and on the
morning of the 5th, Heather greeted us at the guesthouse/mission we were staying at near Giving Hope Rescue Mission.
She introduced herself with a long speech
about who she is and how she came to Haiti. In this introduction Heather said that orphanages
(crèches) are not happy places, they are depressing and she doesn’t even like to
go there to her own creche, Giving Hope Rescue Mission.
She called Haiti a “God
forsaken place”.
She said that they (Giving Hope Rescue Mission and VOTO) had
a “media” policy – we could take pictures, but we could not post them
anywhere. I thought this was for the childrens' benefit. But actually she explained that every photo had to be sent to her or Michelle See so they could choose what adoptive parents could see. She said this was because her
“crazy adoptive parents” would freak out if they saw the children in less than ideal conditions. She said to just “help her out” so that she
wouldn’t have a bunch of explaining to do to adoptive parents.
The ladies on the team and I had brought 12 suitcases filled with
medicine, clothes, baby powder, vitamins, toys, diapers, and ointments. We were told that they were always lacking in
these areas and needed supplies. Each of
us spent hundreds of dollars to accommodate the crèche and help the children. Gladly! We also spent $2500 as a group for the
privilege of coming to the crèche – which included just water and lunch for the four days
we were going to serve there.
When we
unloaded our 12 suitcases at the crèche, we were a little astounded to see that
there were two rooms filled with supplies already. One entire room was devoted to clothes
– it was a closet. Another room was like
a huge medicine cabinet and diaper bin. I do not begrudge giving supplies to orphans
or orphanages, but I have to admit, I felt like we were being taken advantage
of. They did not appear to need
anything, and in fact, I worried that there were expired medicines and other supplies sitting in the heat because
there were so many not being used.
We
went to the Giving Hope Rescue Mission baby house first (the baby house is on the right of the compound, connected by walls with an empty compound and then on the far left is the house for the toddlers and older kids.)
It was as Heather described - kind of depressing, babies sleeping two to
three in a crib, flies flying around, babies with dirty diapers lying in the
cribs. But, this is also what I expected
an orphanage “crèche” to be like. It
came as no surprise to me, as this is what I teach families to expect when they
adopt a child internationally.
In the
baby house there were two nannies and a missionary. The missionary was holding a young baby and
the nannies were sitting down while all the babies were in their cribs. Some were napping and some were not. I saw a little boy "W" who I had loved
in pictures who had some special medical needs sleeping and his diaper was so full of diarrhea, it was
overflowing onto his sheet. I changed
him, and his sheet, and he woke up, reached for me and clung. He would not let me go. All the babies were that way.
If we picked them up, they did not want to be
put down. They would cry hysterically,
cling on to us and beg to be picked back up.
It was heart wrenching.
However, Heather Elyse had always advertised Giving Hope Rescue Mission as a "boutique" creche. Her social media was filled with photos of children dressed beautifully and babies being held.
This simply was not the reality we encountered in November 2012.
The creche was depressing, the children lived in cribs, and there were not enough staff in my opinion.
In
December after returning home I wrote a Facebook “note” and posted it on my private wall about the
experience, only after getting permission from Kim and the woman
who was in process to adopt little boy "W" to use their names and photos.
In the post I said nothing negative about
Giving Hope or Heather Elyse specifically, but Kim and I received the following emails from Heather telling me to take down my post from my facebook page. Kim called me
hysterical begging me to take down the post because Heather might cancel her adoption,
and she didn’t want Heather mad at her. I felt sad that Kim was so scared of Heather.
Sent from my iPhone
---------- Forwarded message
----------
From: <heather@givinghopehaiti.org>
Date: Wed, Dec 26, 2012 at 6:58 PM
Subject: Your team
To: Kimberly Williams <kwilliamscce@gmail.com>
Cc: RFG <contact@roomforgraceintl.org>,
Michelle See <michelle@voiceoforphan.com>
Can not make postings w/ out approval from us. All pics/ blogs- need to be ran
through us for approval.
Anna or Michelle will send you our media policy.
If some adoptive parents read her post they would die...
I know I about did! ;) I about fell over. So disrespectful. I was so shocked.
Sorry for the short emails- beyond busy in Haiti.
... And my emails are blowing up from not so happy leadership.
H-
Sent from my iPhone
Email from
Heather to me:
Stephanie,
I am not sure why you decided to post the following:
(this was my facebook post/note for my friends and family): My entire life, I
wanted to go on a mission trip. I wanted my life to count. I wanted
to show God’s love to people who did not have access to church, Bibles, and
abundance like we have in America. I guess I thought that leaving my
time zone would somehow make me more valuable to God.
So, when the
opportunity came for me to go on a mission trip to an orphanage in Haiti
(actually called a creche), I jumped at the chance. The trip was the
brainchild of (Kim) an HSC client who is adopting a little girl
from the creche, Giving Hope Haiti Rescue Mission. She led our group
of twelve ladies, which also included our Executive Director (Denise) and
Center co-worker (Sue).
We left on
Sunday, November 4 at 3AM. Some of us had little or no sleep, but we
were all energized by the journey ahead of us. Some of us knew each
other well, and some knew hardly no one, but we were amazed by how cohesive the
group was – as travelers and soon to find out as roommates.
Twelve hours
later, we arrived in Port au Prince, Haiti.
We knew that our
accomodations, L C, a mission that runs a sponsorship program,
school, and medical clinic, would be somewhat primitive, though we also thought
that we would have more rooms to share. Nine of us slept in one
large room with one bathroom, and three in the other room. It was
about 90 degrees and humid, and the only source for cool air was a small
ceiling fan on the lowest possible speed. The electricity went out
at ten every night. There was no hot water for showers, and we could
not use the tap water for drinking or brushing our teeth. Finally,
we could not place toilet paper in the toilet, but in the waste basket beside
it. As rustic as this sounds, it never caused a problem and no one grumbled at
the inconvenience. (Actually a cold shower after a long hot day was
pretty awesome!)
Our first day at
Giving Hope was filled with awe and wonder at these precious little children
who were so desperate for love. We had been warned that while the
small creche works as hard as it can to provide for 140 children, there are
things that cannot be controlled, like flies at this open air
facility. The nannies, whom they call Mommies, try as hard as they
can to care for the children, but because there are so many, it is impossible
for them all to receive one on one love and attention for extended periods of
time. I knew this. Of course I knew this. I
teach this. I knew my daughter once lived like this – at least I knew
it intellectually. But it is different to see it, experience it, and
be a part of it. Now I KNOW, with a knowledge that is almost
unbearable. It has taken me this long to process it.
Back in April,
Kimberly was matched with her daughter R. And as I am
prone to do, I looked at pictures of other children there to see if, by chance,
there was one that struck a cord with me. And there was. His name is
W. I asked my husband if he thought we could adopt again, and
he said he felt we were too old to start over. While I tend to
agree, there was just something about this precious little boy that captured my
heart. So, on the first day at the creche, when I saw him, my heart
skipped a beat. The ladies and I started the day by going through
the baby house surveying any needs the babies had – diapers to be changed,
babies to be held, noses to be wiped. That’s when I saw
him. He was napping and had a dirty diaper. So I changed
him, and swatted away pesky flies, and told him how much God loved him. When
he woke up, he reached for me, and I picked him up. We immediately
became a duo, and I could see why his pictures had drawn me in. He
was even more precious in
person.
Besides loving on
babies, we helped the creche in various ways. We did laundry – by
hand outside in wash tubs, gave toddlers communal baths, sang and danced with
the preschoolers, did a vacation Bible School for the school aged children,
painted the Mommies’ and childrens’ finger and toe nails, made dinner and
served the creche missionaries one night, worked at a local school, changed
diapers and crib sheets, and fed precious children.
The creche also
rescued an 18 day old premature baby girl, and allowed us to care for her at
Life Connection while we were there. A few of our ladies became very
attached to her, and were very sad the day we had to say goodbye. I
am sure she will forever be in our prayers.
The longer
we were there, it became obvious to all of us that the children were love
starved. The condition of orphan is not natural. It is
not God’s original design. He designed us to be in families, with
the love of a mother and a father. He designed us to need one another, to need
love, touch, and attention. These children, along with all children
in institutional care, do not have these fundamental elements to grow and
thrive.
They were starved for attention, and if we showed them a moment of
attention, they clung to us as though their lives depended on it. As
the week went on, I began to wonder if we were helping or if we were hurting
these children by being there. To set them down, to walk away from
them, to show another child attention only led to screaming, sobbing, clinging
and tantrums. Was their trust in others being eroded each time we
left for the evening?
Of course, I did not want to be a contributor
to the very thing I know and teach others is so important for the emotional
health of their children.
I also began to
think about my own Chinese daughter, and how she was when she first came
home. She acted just like these children. Love
starved. And my heart ached for her - for not knowing everything she
went through her first twelve months. How many white people came and
loved her for a moment just to walk away? How many times did she
scream for consolation, love or attention only to be ignored by passing
nannies, too busy to give her time? How many times did she lay in
her own feces as she slept with flies and mosquitos swarming her little
body? How has her first year shaped who she is and I will never know
or be able to heal her?
And I felt guilty. Guilty for
doing this to other children and for being in Haiti, instead of at home with my
own children, who God had already entrusted me to care for, righting the wrongs
of their pasts. And I realized: God has already given me a mission
field. My family, first and foremost, and then, my families at
Heaven Sent.
The very best thing I can do for the children of Haiti,
or anywhere else, is my job. I thought these thoughts as I hugged and kissed
W goodbye for the last time. I tried not to pick him up, and my heart
broke. I walked away from him, and heard him wail, with his arms
outstretched, holding a toy we had given him. Then, in defeat, his
arms went to his side, he looked down and cried softly. It was one
of the saddest things I have ever seen, and I wanted to run away, full of guilt
for being the cause of his tears.
On this last day
there, we went to lunch and swam at the resort where the creche director and
missionaries live. The director brought her children and some
terminally ill children who stay with her, one of whom I have known and loved
from pictures . I learned that his HIV has developed into
AIDS. As soon as I saw him, I scooped him up and held him. He
snuggled into my neck and held on to me and I sat rocking him for a long
time. His breathing was labored and wraspy, his nose was running and
he had a fever. But I just poured my love into him, knowing that in
his short life, he needs to feel love on earth. I sang to him and
talked to him and prayed for him. When it was time to go, a
missionary placed him in his stroller (pictured here), and he was too sick to
cry. I, however, was again heartbroken.
Giving a child
the love of a mother, only to watch them slip back into being an orphan is
against everything in my being. It was emotionally painful, and I
was ready to be home.
In Haiti, I
learned a lot about myself and the ladies I traveled with. We spent
mornings and evenings together in devotion and reading letters from home. We
gave our testimonies, shared our feelings, shed tears, laughed a lot and sweated even
more. God was with us, and we saw and felt Him in mighty
ways. Haiti is both beautiful and desperate. The poverty
and bitter smell of burning leaves and garbage juxtaposed with the lush
landscape and majestic ocean is jarring.
But, there is
also a richness in lack. The people in Haiti work from the moment
they wake up until they fall asleep – farming plants and animals, washing and
hanging laundry by hand, making items to sell at market, cooking food over
fires and walking or bicycling where ever they need to go. They
appreciate what they do have and take care of it with pride. Those
who know God, lean on Him in ways we do not know how – because they have to in
order to survive. And they are joyful. Their lives
are simple, and do not carry the stressful hustle and bustle of American life.
I am very
thankful for being able to go to Haiti and for everything I experienced and
learned. I am thankful for my time with such wonderful
women. And I praise God for what He showed me while I was there – to
serve Him does not mean I have to leave my country. In fact, I went all
the way to Haiti to learn I already have a mission field at home.
(Heather's comment):
"I thought you were on the same line of work as me... Adoptions. Surely you can
respect privacy and confidentiality.
When you were in Haiti, I made it very clear about media, and the struggle I
have w/ adoptive parents etc.
I thought your post was lovely in all aspects, other then you basically are
telling adoptive parents that their child is love starved. This is the wrong
perspective to focus on. The fact that they are Alive and not dead is a
miracle!!!! My adoptive parents do not need to read a depressing post as the
one you posted. I thought it was 100% disrespectful to me, especially after I
made myself super clear to you and the team.
If this junior high immaturity does not stop.... I will be CC'ng you in a
letter to the state. I know TN takes confidentiality very serious. They
are a wonderful state who understands Hague. So I would please ask if you would
please call me to discuss this like adults. I am willing to hear your
side and heart on the matter.
Thanks,
Heather"
I
wrote her back, in part:
"Of course
as a social worker and adoption worker, I realize the importance of
confidentiality, and did not post any names or pictures that I was not given
the express permission to use.
Everything
I wrote was truth. Children who are orphans in an institutional setting,
no matter what country they are in, do not live in God’s original design, and
they are, in fact, love starved. It is the express responsibility of
those of us in the adoption field to properly education adoptive parents on
this reality, so that they will have the tools necessary to empower their
children when they come home."
Heather never responded to this email.
But, the next time she posted updated photos of kids, Kim's was not photographed. I have heard from more than one person now that if an adoptive parent makes
Heather mad, she will punish them by not posting photos of their children that
month or threaten to cancel their adoptions.
I found it interesting that the little boy I had held and written about, "W", died not too long after our trip there in November. Once again,
the entire VOTO adoption community was told of his “death” on the VOTO facebook page
after his adoptive parents received an email telling them he was dead of unknown causes. I believe that his disappearance, as well as
the disappearance of Heather’s two children whom she claimed were murdered by
their birth mother (for which she has told at least 3-4 different stories)
needs to be investigated by someone outside of the GHRM/VOTO organizations.
Other concerns:
While I was in Haiti in November, I noticed that although Heather had urged families to donate a large amount of money the previous summer for a generator for the creche (I believe between $12-15,000 was donated) I had hung clothes out on the roof, had been
in the back of the building washing laundry, in the kitchen, and in all the
other rooms of the baby house and toddler house. I had not seen a generator.
I also noticed that there was no actual “Room
for Grace”. All of the rooms were alike.
Room for Grace is a sponsorship program (founded by Heather Elyse) where they ask for $300 per month to
care for children at Giving Hope Rescue Mission who are not already matched to adoptive families or who are
terminally ill. This "room" is supposed to be a specialized program for special needs children. I did see a terminally
ill boy, with hydrocephalous, and AIDS, but if he was in “Room for Grace”, it’s
one crib in a hallway. It is also my understanding that a little boy was transferred in the fall of 2012 from another orphanage to "Room for Grace", arriving with special needs but healthy at the time, only to die 48 hours later.
In general it did not feel like the staff to child ratio was acceptable. On one day we witnessed an older nanny trying to bathe 20 toddlers at the same time.
Another time I walked through the school age
children’s bunk room and saw the children taking a nap. A large number of children were sharing beds.
I noticed also that a lot of the children were sick with
deep mucus filled coughs, congestion and fever. With all of the medicines in
the back, I also noticed that none of the children were receiving any. I did not observe any specialized care for sick children or medical needs children.
On our second day of volunteering our team went to the crèche and it was like a
different place. The children were
beautifully dressed – complete with bows and frills. The nanny staff was doubled and all of the
missionaries, who rotated days at Club Indigo – the all inclusive resort where
Heather, her children and missionaries lived - and at the crèche, were
there. The orphan aid group
Ordinary Hero was coming to look at the crèche, and the staff of Giving Hope Rescue Mission had been told to
dress the children nicely.
There was
double the water supply and double the food, as well. I found the little boy, W, with a fever, congestion and
diarrhea wearing sweat pants and a thick heavy t-shirt in 90 degree
weather. So, I went to the baby clothes
room and changed him into something cooler, and asked a missionary what they
give the babies when they have this congestive fever. She said she didn’t know. So, as Heather led Ordinary Hero through the
crèche, I asked her what she wanted me to give him, and she said a breathing
treatment. None of the nannies or the
missionaries knew how to give this breathing treatment to him. So, I did my
best. I couldn’t help but think,
“Adoptive parents pay $300 a month for their babies to be cared for here? What does their money cover?”
While Ordinary Hero was there, Heather had her own little girl (adopted in the US) stand up and tell the crowd of strangers how she had been abused by her birth
parents – made to live in a cage and eat feces, and how Heather had saved her.
I could not believe it, as an adoption social worker and as a mother of two
adopted children, it seemed to me like Heather was exploiting her child. But why?
The second day looked like a production designed to impress Ordinary Hero.
The third day, there was no food or water at the crèche for our team. We had donated $2500 for food and
water, and after two days of water and fruit, there was nothing. The children were back in diapers, they were
back down to two nannies in the baby house for 20-30 or so babies and three nannies at the toddler/school age
house.
Kimberly was worried for our team and sent an
email to Michelle See asking what our $2500 had paid for? She did not get a response, but the fourth day at the crèche, we were told that Heather was going to "treat" us to a lunch that
afternoon at Club Indigo resort.
Earlier in the
week, she had told us that she would let us each bring a child from the crèche
to the pool as a special treat for them, but then she changed her mind and told us we were going to each be
assigned one of her children because she had not had much “one on one time with
them lately”. This lunch also turned out
to be an appreciation lunch for the nannies that our $2,500 was apparently covering. More nannies showed up this afternoon than we had seen all week
combined. At the lunch, Heather did not
talk to any of the ladies in our group.
She avoided us. At one point I overheard a lady walk up to Heather and
say something about a woman threatening her for a large amount of money. Heather said she was threatened all the time
and it wouldn’t be the first time.
On Friday we left Haiti.
I left with a hollow, sad feeling, as though something was not right
with Giving Hope Rescue Mission. Our group felt this way.
When I returned home, I heard from an adoptive mother, who
wishes to remain anonymous. She told me that she speaks with five other Giving Hope Rescue Mission adoptive moms and what they do is “keep their heads low and do what they are told
so that their children are not taken away from them.”
I told the two families whose homestudies we were processing at our agency that I wanted them
to pray and also to look at how other agencies run their Haitian programs
before they proceeded with adopting through Giving Hope Rescue Mission. I told
them to compare the referral process, the update process, the contracts, and
the time frame – as well as to look at the number of children they have
actually brought home. They did, and
each pulled out of the program.
It is my strong opinion that things are not as they are
purported to be at Giving Hope Rescue Mission creche. I feel that there
is an enormous amount of control, manipulation, intimidation and fear that is
brandished over Heather's clients despite her claims of operating as a Christian.
I feel that there is no
accountability – no state license for Voice of the Orphan (until June 2013) and a lack of social work background for the staff to ensure that
clients are being worked with ethically, with support and with the correct amount of checks
and balances.
It’s Heather Elyse, fear and
intimidation, and no one is allowed to question her, say or show anything
negative about her or ask for what they rightfully and legally deserve to
receive. It is wrong. I believe that there has been no accountability about children dying and disappearing.
I believe in justice for orphans, the poor
and the oppressed. If I do not stand up and share this experience then I am complicit in the wrongdoing against these children and families. Sometimes God asks us to do hard things for
others. I have seen and experienced the
fear, intimidation and manipulation, both personally and through my
clients. I know there are other children
and families who are still held captive by it, and it cannot continue. So, I’ll speak for them too. God is my fortress and my protector.
